@_theigirl: Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the shit out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
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@lazerdoov: If you're wondering if humans are idiots we hunt ducks with guns when they will walk right up to you if you have bread
@murrman5: [overhears wife complaining about me on phone] he's always overreacting and making a mess *spits chocolate milk everywhere* ARE YOU SERIOUS?
@davidkenny100: Actually, no I don't spend my day arguing and working on format tweets! Narrator: he does though Shut up Narrator: you shut up!
@envydatropic: I print everything at work because I'm not a multimillionaire who has a printer with ink at home