@_theigirl: Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the shit out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
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@TheNardvark: Just got my invitation to Lady Gaga's wedding reception. I can choose between beef or chicken. Not for the meal, that's the dress code.
@thepunningman: I see Google have dropped that internet specs thing then? "Google Glass" I know what glass is, Catherine.
@carlyken: [Michael Bay directing] "WE NEED A HOTTER CHICK" Teacher: This is your son's 3rd grade play "Oh right. I forgot. WE NEED BIGGER EXPLOSIONS"
@ambienbabe: I say "fight me" a lot for a girl that's 5'2" and has a tough time opening some doors because they're too heavy.