@iamWillemDafoe: oooh pretty wing tattoos on your back, do they symbolize how you have no idea how big wings need to be to carry your weight
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@JediGigi: Lady, your baby needs to chill. This is MY Binky. I found it fair and square after "someone" threw it on the ground. Finders keepers.
@Douchekevin: Ever fill a garbage bag, put your foot on it and stomped the hell out of it so it held 9 times what it's supposed to? Yoga pants explained.
@Rebecca8672: Awkward=when autocorrect changes 'sooner' to 'sober' so email to 8 yr. old's teacher reads "I apologize for not getting back to you sober"
@jackiembouvier: I just slipped in the shower and my life flashed before my eyes but it was just a series of other times I almost fell.