@iamWillemDafoe: oooh pretty wing tattoos on your back, do they symbolize how you have no idea how big wings need to be to carry your weight
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@RexHuppke: For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
@RorynotRoy: I wish someone would hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be okay and then just kinda turn into like $20,000 in cash.
@Sickayduh: "Nice place!" Mmmehh "Hungry?" Mmmehh "You look nice." Mmmehh "DO I EVEN MAKE YOU HAPPY?!?" Mmmehh "Mom told me not to date a goat."
@sploosk: INTERVIEWER: says here you were fired previously? ME: yeah, I tried putting pizza in the copier INTERVIEWER: [excitedly] did… did it work?