@NotJPo: Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
@LeahsLounge: I think having a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
@anbrll00: I got a Ouija board tattooed on my back to trick ghosts into giving me massages.
@webofevil: Genuinely stunned France has adopted the word "wifi" rather than "le signal librement accessible sans l'utilisation de fils" or some shit.
@jakob_huber: A bottle washes on shore with a note inside it: "Go swimming, the water's great! And there's no sharks! P.S. this wasn't written by a shark"
@1Happytwit: My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.