@prettysadmostly: *opens dating site account* prepare to be dated you pieces of shit
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@Brianhopecomedy: Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old's lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
@Midgetspar: Cool Ranch Doritos are just like regular ranch Doritos except every chip wears a little pair of aviators.
@SatansTongue: *snail Olympics* How does it feel? "Well it took 4 years but I finished the marathon" And how will you prepare for it again tomorrow? "What"
@thenatewolf: Seeing the leaves change in autumn always reminds me of my Grandpa. He died falling out of a tree too.