@weinerdog4life: Other kids wanted to be astronauts or doctors, when I was little I wanted to be a horse calendar
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@Kyle_Lippert: Nicki Minaj washes off her Halloween make up to reveal Lady Gaga who washes her face to reveal Madonna who washes her face to reveal an Emu.
@MarcusOreally: Boredom is the leading cause of pregnancy. Unless you're on Twitter 24/7. Then it becomes the leading form of birth control.
@rickolantern: My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing. But I mean, 41 years, still alive. I kinda got it.
@1Happytwit: My ex told me that Gaga's "Bad Romance" song reminds him of me. Now I'm glad I dumped him. What sort of idiot admits to listening to Gaga.