@weinerdog4life: Other kids wanted to be astronauts or doctors, when I was little I wanted to be a horse calendar
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@Amusitr0n: *bullies advance* STOP! Im a black belt in Shaq Fu! <laughter> *detectives arrive* Jesus, were these heads slam-dunked? Where r the bodies?
@UncleDuke1969: "Dad, is that a bear outside the tent?" "No." "OK." "Hold still." "What're you putting on me?" "Sunscreen." "It smells like ketchup." "Shhh"
@causticbob: Kissing the back of someone's neck is a sensuous thing to do. Unless it's a stranger in a queue in Primark.