@ceejoyner: Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.
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@belleykell: It takes me roughly 7 secs into an episode of House Hunters to discover that my pure hatred of strangers still exists
@shanethevein: The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
@faizziy: Apparently "The WiFi signal is the strongest there" isn't the right answer when the boss asks "Why are you spending so much time in toilet?"
@AthenaMystique: Coworker: Oh, look how beautiful! It's snowing again! Me: *stabs coworker with icicle*