@ceejoyner: Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.
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@Ygrene: [On the phone with the police for the 7th time in 2 weeks] "Sir, again, we cannot arrest your cat"
@dadamantium: Me: Daughters, dude. Driving me crazy, you know? Him: Yeah. Me: Want another juice box, bro? Him: Yeah. 3 year-old neighbor boy gets me.
@Tmoney68: I should have known my son was stealing from his road construction job, but every time I came home I guess I just ignored all the signs.