@david8hughes: Our family summer boat trips haven't been the same since grandad died & demanded we bury him at sea. In the boat.
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@BackrowSeats: This beautiful woman is winking at me. Now she's using the other eye. Never mind, she's just falling asleep.
@MartaEffing: [Puzzle Group Therapy] Crossword: Just once, someone use a pen! Sudoku: Nobody likes math. Jigsaw: ..Then they glued me together! *sobs*
@GeauxSaints79: I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
@ShutUpThatsWho: Interviewer: Your CV is a flip book of you setting things on fire. Me: Wrong. If you flip the pages the other way I'm putting the fires out.