@david8hughes: Our family summer boat trips haven't been the same since grandad died & demanded we bury him at sea. In the boat.
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@causticbob: If you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, because if you play it forwards, it installs Windows
@EndhooS: Cop: can u describe your attacker Me: super aggressive, with a big nose & powerful arms Cop: u just described a seagull Me: he took my chips
@weenbeans: will you marry me? "OMG YES! I love you!!!" *imagines typing only 4 characters for 'wife' instead of 'girlfriend' on Twitter* I love you too