@FinnMcIver: our teacher used to make us do 100 lines if we'd been naughty. my nose was wrecked at the end of it
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@thenatewolf: *The doctor hands me my son. I see that he's Asian. I look at my wife* ME: unbelievable WIFE: I tried to tell- ME: the stork flew so far!
@AmishPornStar1: My weight loss plan is to skip breakfast and lunch... And then eat seven dinners.
@AaronNevins: You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.