@SCbchbum: Overheard a teenager watching Armageddon for the 1st time (after Bruce Willis blows up): "lol at least the hot one lived (Ben Affleck)."
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@Parkerlawyer: My client's (soon to be ex) wife just flipped me off in the courthouse parking lot, so yeah, I'm obviously doing my job right.
@Ideal_Victoria: *experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*
@nonsensetwit: My fear of spiders happened when I went to hit one with a newspaper, and it looked at me and did pushups saying "try again bro."