Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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@robfee: If you laugh at a kid's joke that kid will tell the exact same joke at slightly louder volumes 8,000 times in a row.

@WetzelGeek: I pick up my dog's poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

@LadyBlueberry: Facebook's forever reminding me about people's birthdays like I sell cakes😒😒.

@AmishPornStar1: Earth Day...

...another made up holiday by Big Galaxy just to sell more planets!

@frankzulla: "Well maybe they shouldn't make soap out of animal fat if they didn't want people to eat it!" I yell from the emergency room, mouth foaming

@treydayway: I'm from a generation that wouldn't dare tell an adult that we were bored.

@TragicAllyHere: I don't want to house hunt, I only do it to keep house populations in check.

@HansomeHoosier: "You can have more degrees than a thermometer & still be dumb as shit."

- Old Southern Proverb

@UnFitz: If I see a dog in a hot car, I'm always troubled.
Why don't I have a hot car like that?
How much does that dog make per year?