@thenatewolf: Snakes can't win. They use the sidewalk and everyone screams, they stick to the grass and they're playing into hurtful stereotypes.
@murrman5: my neighbour ryan: I was at a zombie walk we all dressup and walk around downtown
me holding an axe: I wanna believe you ryan I really do
@Ramankaur925: “You’re 18, your parents can’t tell you what to do anymore”
first of all, I’m not white
@skickwriter: Him: *running* That's not what they mean when they say, "Chicks dig scars!"
Me: *shovel in hand* It's what this chick means.
@internetmo: No, actually I'd love to hear about last night's episode of that show I just told you I don't watch
@ArfMeasures: INTERVIEWER: So...that's it. Any questions for me?
ME: Do boxer dogs actually punch?
I: um no that's not
ME: I bet they use a puppercut