Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@Whatevah_Amy: Apparently, saying "grande" in a non-Starbucks coffee shop is like shouting the wrong name during sex.

@ScottLinnen: Wizard of Oz (1939): A hapless teen suffering from head trauma is led down the wrong path to cosplay, heroin, organ harvesting and ultimately, homicide.

@sixfootcandy: Seasons are confusing in Los Angeles. Time to pull out my winter sundress.

@WilliamAder: If you've got one of those video doorbells, don't be surprised if I do a tight seven-minute set on your porch.

@CAshmanActor: amazon prime: select delivery window
me: *types* the bathroom one

@actualhuman01: [department store]

me: excuse me sir this mirror is wrong, my mom told me i was handsome

@better_off_dad: I hate when people talk down to me like I don’t already know I’m an idiot.

@bngzyface: *Adds “procrastinate” to to-do list, just so I can check something off*

@Buffalojilll: There are two kinds of dog owners. Those that have tried their dog's treats and those that are lying.