@SamGrittner: "Paintings or it didn't happen." - 1700's-1920
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@stephanidek: [NYE] ME: *wearing 2017 glasses* OPTOMETRIST: *rubbing his temples* Stephanie your eyesight may be bad but you really only need one pair
@Jennuflect: [At a 5 star restaurant] *gestures at entire menu* Are any of these words fancy speak for chicken fingers and fries?
@DumbConfessions: Wrong hole. No. Still the wrong hole. Only ONE in each hole! Ugh. Here! I'll show you. -Helping my kid put on a swimsuit.
@riverpig12: Twitter : bc in real life Smart, funny, beautiful women are not following us anywhere.