@BrandonBrown522: Paranoid? I don't even know what that word means. I don't have time to learn new words, people are trying to kill me.
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@Mr_Kapowski: If the movie theater slightly lowered their candy prices I wouldn't have to duct tape candy around my kid's torso like a suicide bomber
@NervousJr: There's awkward, and then there's listening to a man try to have a conversation with his hairdresser.
@sarcasm_inc: [a spider watching soccer when someone kicks a ball into the net] hell yeah, now eat it
@lawblob: Waldo books are cute until u learn he owes $100,000 in unpaid child support & is wanted for arson