@BrandonBrown522: Paranoid? I don't even know what that word means. I don't have time to learn new words, people are trying to kill me.
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@Mr_Kapowski: *shaking wife awake* Me: Hey, just wanted to let you know, stop screaming, the heater is broken so that’s why I’m wearing this ski mask
@PinkCamoTO: My walk of shame is just me leaving a party trying to hide a Tupperware container of leftover cake under my hoodie.
@trojansauce: *in the corridor of the club waiting for my transitions lenses to turn back into glasses* i'll see you ladies inside