@online_shawn: Pardon the mess, the dog startled me and I threw my shrimp scampi into the ceiling fan
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@_sleepysmile: Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
@TheDairylandDon: Mah Dearest Emma, War on Christmas is hell. This morn, I saw 7 elves stabbed with 1 menorah. I fear this nog soaked yuletide may nevah end.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [Last Supper] Jesus: *holds up bread* This is my body *holds up wine* This is my blood And this is Sparta! *kicks Judas into a pit*