@eff_yeah_steph: Parenting is just putting throw pillows back on the couch every ten minutes until you die.
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@Parkerlawyer: Hubs left his Amazon account open on the laptop and I swear to God if I'm getting a lawnmower for Mother's Day there will be bloodshed.
@STEELERS1972: So I met this hooker who said she'd do anything for ten bucks . Guess who got his yard cut?
@GhostPanther: If I say "last Star Wars" and u say "Actually you mean 3rd Star Wars! It's a prequel!" I'm going to hit u with a fish tank.
@GringoBrulee: HR: Do you know why we called you in here today? Me: I'm not taking off my Batman suit, sir.