@copymama: Parenting is like being a dive bartender: people shout drink orders, you have to listen to their problems, and the place looks like a dump.
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@Cait_Plus_Eight: Your ex asking if you can still be friends is like kidnappers saying "keep in touch" after they let you go.
@TheMichaelRock: HR: welcome to sexual harassment training. Me *raises hand* I'm gonna leave. HR: it's mandatory. Me: There's nobody here I would harass.
@uccjeb: When I see 18 wheelers carrying something covered with a tarp, I just assume that it's an injured Transformer.