@Dave_in_SoPo: Parenting is much harder nowadays. For example, you have to be able to push a kid on a swing and tweet at the same time.
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@MomOnFire: Stop talking. They are staring at you. You are saying bizarre things. -An Inner Monologue
@chuuew: DAD: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance. ME: [hesitantly] You're... an ambulance. DAD: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [dies]
@hpb777: Sometimes I wonder how people who don't have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.