@simoncholland: Coffee so hot you pretend not to notice it when you're out with your wife.

@Cheeseboy22: FYI: I guess the goal of bobbing for apples is not who can drink all the water.

@glittergirlD43: Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?

@captainkalvis: *uptown funk comes on* Guy: honey this HAS to be our first dance at our wedding Honey: lol I'm made by bees

@trevso_electric: Now marriage can be between any two people who are misguided enough to start a life together in New Jersey.