@audri_em: Parenting teenagers is easy since they already know everything.
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@avaricious1: I saw a spider in my bedroom so I did what any man would do... I got in an argument with my wife so I could sleep on the couch.
@djdarrellripley: Me: I'm going across the street to get a beer. Priest: You can't bring a beer in here. This is a church. Me: I can if it's in my stomach.
@DionneMcNutt: A boy at church was asked if he knew what the resurrection was. "Yes, and if it lasts more than 4 hours you're supposed to see a doctor."
@SCbchbum: My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn't just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can.