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@audri_em: Parenting teenagers is easy since they already know everything.
@simoncholland: Coffee so hot you pretend not to notice it when you're out with your wife.
@Cheeseboy22: FYI: I guess the goal of bobbing for apples is not who can drink all the water.
@glittergirlD43: Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?
@captainkalvis: *uptown funk comes on*
Guy: honey this HAS to be our first dance at our wedding
Honey: lol I'm made by bees
@trevso_electric: Now marriage can be between any two people who are misguided enough to start a life together in New Jersey.