@Cheeseboy22: Parenting tip: If your kids are fighting in the back seat of the car, stick your arm over and swing it around a bunch. That'll show em'.
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@krisv_723: The only thing between me & a killing spree is the fact that I'd have to poop in front of people in prison.
@WilliamAder: It's not a coincidence that so many blues songs start with "Woke up this morning..."
@JediGigi: Him:You married? Me:Aww You think I'm that pretty? H:Ma'am just filling out your pape- M:SO I'M UGLY? H:I'll tell the therapist to hurry