@DannyZuker: Parents, stop giving your kids these crazy names. I just found a love letter my son wrote to a girl named "Steven!"
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@thestlouisan: *Plots revenge by getting a job at a fast food restaurant and waiting for nemesis to drive thru and not putting a straw in their bag*
@yungsweater: *Playing catch* *dad throws ball over fence* "I'll get it son!" *25 years later* "Wow he must've thrown it far"
@KalvinMacleod: Wife: This milk is 30 seconds past due, time to throw it out. Me: This milk is lumpy. I need a fork.
@Stella1070: I was so excited. Thought I found an M&M at the bottom of my purse. It was only an earbud. I ate it anyway.