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@brandihaugen: Paris Hilton is suddenly a DJ?
Well. Then I'm a dragon.
@Brampersandon_: ME: when I was 12 I got the flu so bad I had to be in the hospital
GUY WHO TRIES TO ONE-UP EVERY STORY: oh yeah? when I was 13 I died
@ThugPickles: OMG! THERE'S A SERIAL KILLER ON THE LOOSE! "OMG." Wtf are you doing?! "HIDING MY DAMN CEREAL!"
@causticbob: Burglars broke into Kanye West's home.
As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing.
@runawaycupcake: Son: Can you teach me about fractions? Me: Sure. I love 2/3 of my children.
@pmclellan: So, Tim Cook came out of the cloud?