@TylerLinkin: Paris Hilton’s chihuahua Tinkerbell died yesterday. Purses are being held at half-mast.
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@sad_tree: [crime show] DETECTIVE: It looks like the guy that inserts dramatic music into our show has been.. *Flintstones theme song plays* Murdered
@PhilJamesson: Bad Cop: The proof is in the pudding. Good Cop: Stop putting all our evidence in pudding. Why do you keep putting our evidence in pudding?
@murrman5: *nervously plays with tie* "I'm sorry. I'm no good during job interviews." That's ok, just let go of my tie and go on your side of the desk.
@boring_as_heck: Damn girl, is your dad an astronaut? Because I'd like to meet him. Please let me meet your astronaut dad.