@TylerLinkin: Paris Hilton’s chihuahua Tinkerbell died yesterday. Purses are being held at half-mast.
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@AristotlesNZ: Cop: "You been drinkin?" Me: I'm going to dinner w/my wife's mom & 94yo granny "You're free to go.." Come on dude. Can't you just arrest me?
@Rollinintheseat: I wonder why nobody told Forrest Gump's mom that all you have to do is flip over the box of chocolates and it tells you what's inside.
@realHamOnWry: I tried S/M once, and ended up with a dominatrix who was unusually cruel. Instead of using a whip she would make me do fractions in my head.