@JasonLastname: Parkour or plastic? *bounces away with your groceries*
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@longwall26: Funny how we say "I drank a *pot* of coffee" instead of "I drank fourteen cups of coffee and chased the cat around the hot tub with a sword"
@OtherDanOBrien: [Cat birthday party] *Cat opens gift from her husband* "It's...an empty box." *silence* "Oh honey, I love it!"
@thenatewolf: *Chooses paper towels instead of the hand dryer right as a tree walks into the bathroom*
@Dank_Pal: ~Little Mermaid family meeting~ Ariel.... We found this hidden in your top drawer. *places sea cucumber on table*