@max_pad21: Patient: "How much longer do I have doc? Doctor: "Ten." Patient: "Ten what?" Doctor: "Nine..."
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@DanMentos: Q. Why are ghostbusters afraid of bridges over small rivers? A. Because they're not supposed to cross the streams
@MelanieShebel: I'm not saying the Internet lies, but there is an alarming discrepancy in the number of iPads I've won and the number that I actually own.
@goodersuk74: Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face open I really dont need to hear about your gym workout
@Sickayduh: Rose: I'm so cold. Jack: Listen, Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on and- fine, you can have my damn hoodie