@mattgallo123: People ask me, "Matt, how do you do it?" , "Matt, what's your secret?" , "Matt, why do you make up imaginary interview questions?"
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@nbadag: [restaurant] *patpatpat* ME: you hear that? *patpatPATPAT* DATE: what the [penguin bolts out of kitchen with a fish] CHEF: SOMEBODY STOP HIM
@SabotagedSmoke: Tried to challenge the guy in the stall next to me to a thumb war, now he's holding my hand & crying about his childhood. I need to wipe.
@bobvulfov: KENNEDY: lets keep our affair a secret MARILYN MONROE: ok i'll sing happy birthday all sexy & weird at ur bday K: pls dont MM: *winking* ok
@rickolantern: The human race won't go extinct when our blood turns into high fructose corn syrup Our demise will come when hummingbirds figure it out