@mattgallo123: People ask me, "Matt, how do you do it?" , "Matt, what's your secret?" , "Matt, why do you make up imaginary interview questions?"
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@AngelaEhh: People say to enjoy the messes your kids leave, because you'll miss them when they're grown and gone. I like to call those people liars.
@PaperWash: date: and then after traveling to Iceland I decided to get my MBA me: date: me: I went to Arby's 7 times yesterday
@iwearaonesie: me: What? A lot of people launch shopping carts across parking lots wife: Yeah but they take the kid out first! son *screaming*
@Lisabug74: One time I was really high and attempted to flush my foot down the toilet. There was no Twitter then, so I'm telling you now.