@mattZillaaaa: People come into your life for a reason. It's annoying
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@ShortSleeveSuit: HR: Alright people, let's be a little more sensitive to Linda bc she's pregnant with child Sally [who is pregnant with a hedgehog]: *sigh*
@yoyoha: If you love someone: 1. Set them free 2. Drunk dial them 3. Read too much into their FB posts 4. Make them feel sorry for you 5. Die alone
@TheKegKiller: Me: You can't arrest me. I have to run a marathon today. Cop: Stop playing the race card.