@imdaintyaf: People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS
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@ohheyohhihello: Today I drove through a huge puddle that splashed up under my car and laughed to myself as I whispered, "car bidet."
@Spaziotwat: There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don't
@chadzappa: I didn't spend years perfecting this blank, vacant expression so you could mistake me for someone who cares, lady...