@imdaintyaf: People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS
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@SlabBaconBP: I don't hate my job. I just really enjoy curling up in a ball and sobbing under a blanket in the backseat of my car during lunch.
@2tickytacky: In your selfie, you had rabbit ears and little whiskers. You don't really have any of those things! Catfish! Just like rainbow tongue girl.
@astutenewf: *boss at staff meeting* Hey, do you have anything positive to add to this meeting? Yeah, I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.