@inigoomontoya: People don't really care who you are until you lick their face
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@JimGaffigan: A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
@CodyJP9412: Old people that say tattoos are a waste of money: You have entire cabinets dedicated to plates that no one is allowed to use.
@TheTweetOfGod: The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes.