@sandjoeman: People get so weird when I step on the gym scale behind them, naked.
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@BruceForce: Why the hell do they call it fruit punch, like where do they get "punch" fr.. *gets knocked out by a grapefruit*
@DangerZoneJunky: I think my girlfriend is a serial killer you guys...she wakes up and makes the bed in the morning
@_ElvishPresley_: detective: there are hundreds of footprints at this crime scene crooked centipede cop: [sweating] must have been a hundred murderers