@sandjoeman: People get so weird when I step on the gym scale behind them, naked.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SteveSuckington: Good cop: license and registration please Perp: I'm sorry was I speeding Dad Cop: hi sorry was I speeding, I'm dad.
@JermHimselfish: I bet when kittens go to work in kitten offices that there's always one kitten whose cubicle is decorated with pictures of lonely old ladies
@noog: *notices battery is at 4%* *goes into airplane mode* *turns down brightness* *exits all apps* *prays to jesus and compliments his sandals*