@TheDailySchmuck: People have underestimated me my entire life, and they've been wrong on like two of those days.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@robdelaney: "Bartender, see that brunette at the end of the bar? I'd like you to bring her a slice of your finest ham."
@BuckyIsotope: Joe Biden is in the White House kitchen right now licking every piece of silverware and putting them back in the drawer
@PinkCamoTO: Me: I know it hurts, but you'll learn to love again. Sheep: I don't know. I can't even look at ewe right now.
@SocialBitterfly: *one day before marriage* Parents: Don't talk to the groom. Don't see him. Don't think. *one day after marriage* Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!