@Sarcasticsapien: People in love use phrases like "takes my breath away" and "swept me off my feet". I think they're confusing love with attempted murder.
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@Tierno158: I invented a game where people get so stoned they can barely walk & chase each other around the yard. It's called...wait for it: Hash Tag.
@batkaren: KID: *falls out of tree* I'm fine ADULT: *sleeps on neck a little strangely* I have to turn my whole body to look at you for the next week
@BlindChow: WIFE: why is the dog wearing a tux? ME: u said to groom him WIFE: i meant brush ME: oh…sorry buddy, wedding's off DOG: this is bullshit