@katiefzack: People just said "go to the gym" they never mentioned that you have to actually do things when you get there I've been doing this so wrong.
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@rockymomax: [me as a magician] *pulls rabbit from hat* AUDIENCE: ooOoOo *pulls knife from hat* A: ooOoOo *pulls sautée pan from hat* A: NNOOOOOO
@leechee420: Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
@fillthevacuum: I just found that there's such a thing as a cheese shop and now I'm changing my vacation plans.