@liz_buckley: People laughed when I said I wanted to be a professional snooker player. They're not laughing now because it was ages ago.
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@LoneWolfStories: If I'm your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.
@DanMentos: *rings bell* "Can I help you?" Yes I'd like a dragon on my back an- *starts pooping on a crucifix* WTF? *checks sign on door* "Taboo Artist"
@loribuckmajor: Husband said our electricity bills are too high need to cut back so I asked him to move.
@Spotzwoj: "I don't want to talk about it, so I posted some lyrics for you to decipher about how it's your fault." ~ girls