@TheMichaelRock: People like to make fun of my fanny pack until they need a napkin or a chicken nugget.
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@Reverend_Scott: I'm tired of the bad jokes, dad. Doubt you can hear me anyway. I'm pullin' the plug. "...hi pullin' the plug, I'm da-" *pulls the plug*
@pleatedjeans: Global warming is real the number of hot singles in my area has been increasing since 2007 that cannot be a coincidence
@JessicaVarsity: If someone doesn't respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don't love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
@MarfSalvador: [being buried alive] murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly