@TheMichaelRock: People like to make fun of my fanny pack until they need a napkin or a chicken nugget.
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@reesespiece_: The door to door bible people just skipped my house! See, all it takes is trying to kiss the guy and he wont be back (until 3am)
@tastefactory: COP: do you know why I pulled you over? COP'S WIFE: *now next to him on the couch* Because you're scared of the movie COP: Yes it's too real
@awescar: Working on a screen play that involves zombies invading a prom. I'm calling it "Prom Nom Nom"
@_PerziaN_: Parents that tell u "it's just a little noise" when their kid cries on a train are the same ones who knock on ur door when the music is loud