@rachelle_mandik: people say they're "over the moon" when they're happy, but it's a lie; the moon is one of those things you will never truly get over
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@PinkCamoTO: David Attenborough voice "Amazing. See how the youngest of the species always needs something when the mother is in the bathroom."
@CornOnTheGoblin: Hello everyone this is your pilot speaking. If u look out the windows on your left youll see some fish. This is the worst Ive ever messed up
@rickkondell: Dear autocorrect, please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
@ericsshadow: ATTORNEY: my client would like to confess ME: i sell human organs on the black market JUDGE [who needs a kidney transplant]: tell me more