@OneToothTexan: People that drink Starbucks every morning, how do you decide which kid isn’t going to college?
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@StayNobody: *Sees son doing homework* What u doing? "Math, it's due Friday" *I slowly crumple the paper and put it in my mouth* They'll never believe u
@Brampersandon_: ME: forgive me father for I have sinned PRIEST: nothing that can’t be forgiven my son ME: I microwave my pop tarts PRIEST: u sick son of a
@johnbiehl: Me: this a rush song? Bartender: yeah, you a fan? Me: does this answer your questions? *lifts shirt to reveal giant tattoo that says "no"*