@KayRants: People that live in glass houses have tons of dead birds on their lawn.
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@FlipPrincesss: Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies? I want that job. I could really screw with some people.
@noogscorner: Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper "Perfect. Master will love you." This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace...
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: I want to play squirt guns Me: You mean when you squirt me all day and laugh, and if I squirt you, you cry? 4yo: YES Me: Okay, let's go
@YeahDrewisOn: Sure he's handsome, funny, smart, charming and successful, but can he fit 54 M&M's in his mouth at once? I didn' fink fo