@missekay: People that say a watched pot never boils clearly don't understand the second law of thermodynamics or are blind.
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@k_lli: I carpool with a guy & we have officially run out of things to talk about. Today he commented on how well-made the road was. I agreed.
@shutupmikeginn: I think most “Emergeny Exit Only - Alarm Will Sound” doors are bluffing, but I’m too much of a coward to find out.
@bornmiserable: [Verizon] SALESMAN: Can I interest you in our friends and family plan? BATMAN: [just starts crying]