@missekay: People that say a watched pot never boils clearly don't understand the second law of thermodynamics or are blind.
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@KenJennings: Steal your neighbors' garden gnome. Send them a series of photos of the gnome lurking near various truck stop men's rooms.
@TheTweetOfGod: People who call the Bible a fairy tale forget that in fairy tales everyone lives happily ever after.
@bluebayoubyyou: Just used the "f word" over on FB so I'm waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
@TheSchnizzy: Yesterday I extinguished a colleague's cigarette at the office with a water pistol. Adds firefighter to resume