@ryangriffiths: People that say "The worst kind of cut is a paper cut" probably haven't been stabbed in the face before.
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@Vodkantots: Get your therapist to start taking you seriously by pulling a donut out of your purse.
@LABeachmom: The whole "limiting myself to one glass of wine a day" thing is going really great. I'm like 5 years ahead of schedule.
@SladeBlue: Forget waterboarding... I'm ready to tell this damn popcorn kernel stuck in my tooth everything it wants to know.