@Adar79Angie: People think I'm a hugger, but I'm actually shaking them down for snacks.
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@Faux_Ma: My Daughter wants a Cinderella-themed party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my house.
@hazelmotes1: *Watches sad movie* Wife: I like happy endings. Me: me too, but you have to tip more. Wife:... Me: twitter would have liked it.
@amybethlee70: I read an article today about a cat who saved his owner's life. I'm still trying to teach mine not to vomit hairballs on my bed.
@dubstep4dads: I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."