@julezmac: "People want to drink a panic attack." -- inventor of 5 Hour Energy
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@putyoursisterd1: Before we get too excited about rising follower counts, it's good to remember that people also stop to look at accidents.
@CourtneyBale: Theravada Monks purge all their earthly possessions to express their faith and pursue spiritual stillness of mind. I did it because fleas.
@KalvinMacleod: Day 3 of weight loss challenge: all my coworkers look like tacos. I do not understand how the meat remains in the shell as they walk around.
@FinallyHeSleeps: Finding $5 you didn't know you had is awesome til you realize you're 34, it's 2011 & $5 won't even buy enough gas to drive you off a cliff.