@julezmac: "People want to drink a panic attack." -- inventor of 5 Hour Energy
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@ObscureGent: I never took a drama class but everyone at this birthday believes that I love this gluten free cake.
@JasonLastname: The best trick to ordering pizza is asking them not to cut it. By law, they can only charge you for one slice.
@AIanHangover: *Does something bad* Mom: *tells the entire family, tweets, posts on Facebook, blogs, tells people in china*