@julezmac: "People want to drink a panic attack." -- inventor of 5 Hour Energy
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@notalogin: [God making a planet for the first time and just constantly screwing things up] Ugh, first world problems.
@MatCro: [GF comes home to find our son alone] Where are you? I said to watch him like a hawk! ME: [soaring 20m above w/ a beakful of mice] I AM