@Vodkantots: People who are genuinely surprised when politicians behave badly should be forced to wear helmets for their own protection.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@trojansauce: [me as a poltergeist] *putting forks in the spoon section of the cutlery drawer* ooooOooOooooo
@XplodingUnicorn: Priest: Do you read to your kids from the Good Book? Me: Every night Priest: What's their favorite part? Me: When Frodo destroys the ring
@derekblackmon: I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now.