@Vodkantots: People who are genuinely surprised when politicians behave badly should be forced to wear helmets for their own protection.
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@Dawn_M_: This generation has discovered the selfie stick. My generation discovered AIDS. Don't know what's worse.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4 y.o: I used the potty. Can I have a treat? Me: No. You always go in the potty 4: I can stop Me: Apparently I negotiate with terrorists
@TellingTellers: An interrogator that just goes into the room and loudly eats a peach until the suspect confesses to everything.
@MatCro: "Chest, chest, chest and chest, chest and chest" - T-Rex singing "Head, shoulders, knees and toes".