@TheTweetOfGod: People who call the Bible a fairy tale forget that in fairy tales everyone lives happily ever after.
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@Not_From_Troy: Whenever I'm in doubt, I ask myself "What would Jesus do?" then I remember Jesus got crucified, his decision making skills weren't brilliant
@itsthatAsh: Commas are the coolest punctuation, because they're like "Yeah, you haven't got time to stop, but you can chill for a little bit."
@ch000ch: i'm wearing a jetpack to my job interview tomorrow so if they turn me down i can disappoint everyone there by just walking out calmly
@Lexxivy: If your boyfriend is ever about to break up with you, yell "what about the baby!" You'll be in a relationship for at least another 5 minutes