@StansaidAirport: People who clap when the plane lands don't aim particularly high do they?
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@WilliamAder: Twitter updated their Terms of Service. Now it just says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here."
@hammbone84: [Tornado siren blaring] Wife: Let's go to the basement. Me: There will be no line at Pizza Hut buffet. Wife: Me: I'll bring you a salad.
@thejakeshenry: I was pretty excited about this box of elbows before I saw that it was only macaroni.