@StansaidAirport: People who clap when the plane lands don't aim particularly high do they?
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@jonnysun: WIFE: [handing me crying baby] will u please change him ME: ok [drives to hospital] ME: hi yes my baby is crying can i get a new one
@UncleBob56: Me: Push! Grandkids: But, you're heavy. Me: What did the sign say? Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :(( Me: Rules are rules.
@LindseyEllison2: I want to pick up a hitchhiker before I die. Not like right before I die, but you know.