@GrumpyBahr: People who eat hotdogs from a gas station, you know there's faster ways to commit suicide?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jus4golf: To impress the guys I told them I was dating an artist. I didn't tell them her preferred medium was sandwiches.
@lazerdoov: Home Depot is having their "ultimate tool event" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler.
@QwertyJones3: [standing next to the boss at the urinal] Ok, don't act weird. "That's some impressive bladder volume, sir."
@UniqueDude2: [Meeting girlfriend's parents] Me: Well Mrs. Ashford, I can see where Elle gets her good looks! <Mr. Ashford sulks the rest of dinner>