@junejuly12: People who hum in public must be blissfully unaware of how close to death they are at all times
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@electrolemon: "let's put computers and keyboards in our cars. now let's go catch all the people typing on tiny keyboards in their cars" - cops
@T_Longstreth: [stops girl before she walks in the puddle] "I got this one babe, *pulling out a straw* stand back"
@_2Birds1Stoned_: If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily.
@richforri: I like Tweets that are so good that when I send them to FB my old friends won't talk to me on the phone for a week.