@junejuly12: People who hum in public must be blissfully unaware of how close to death they are at all times
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@SouthernStylin1: The part of my boyfriend is now being played by what appears to be a memory of a time he said brb
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "And why do you want to be a fireman?" So I can fire people. "That's not what a-" *clenching fists* You're gonna be first.
@IdoNotPoo: It's all fun and games until you find the Twitter crush who catfished you is infact your husband