@imadepoopstoday: People who say, "nothing could ever tear us apart", must not know about sharks.
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@Donnie_Fairburn: If nothing else, the iOS7 update has proved it's usefulness by automatically adding the little accent mark to the word jalapeño for me.
@ericONEderful: What's the rule for Twitter crushes? So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.
@tacsanitchiban: Old friend: Wow! When the hell did you grow a beard? Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.