@simoncholland: People who think this giraffe is taking forever to give birth have never listened to my daughter tell a story.
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@1Happytwit: I'm going commando for Valentines day. He's going to be so surprised when I parachute into his yard and blow up his house.
@AndyRichter: Fun to hear newscasters, while their chopper hovers over an active crime scene, scold people "the last thing the police need is spectators"
@daemonic3: My wife hates it when I say "You are just like your mother!" Actually, she hates it when I say *anything* during sex.