@simoncholland: People who think this giraffe is taking forever to give birth have never listened to my daughter tell a story.
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@KalvinMacleod: FASHION BOSS: any new ideas? ME: how about a shirt with a hat F: so a hoodie? M: I call it a shat and as I say it out loud I hear my mistake
@daemonic3: JESUS: I shall turn water to wine JUDAS: Actually wine is 85% water so that's only 15% miracle JESUS: This is literally the WORST betrayal
@LinajkReturns: So much mascara her eyes got stuck in the closed position. Too bad lipstick doesn't work that way.
@fro_vo: "Does your dad play any sports?" "No, my dad hates sports" *dad walks in* "Hey there, Sport"