@simoncholland: People who think this giraffe is taking forever to give birth have never listened to my daughter tell a story.
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@psybermonkey: "Please be aware that we are experiencing higher than average call volume" *connects* Agent: Hello Me (whispering): hello
@Shock_Monster: "Hey, let's get the guys that built the Obamacare website to update our app!" - Twitter
@ppppolls: 30% of Republican primary voters nationally say they support bombing Agrabah. Agrabah is the country from Aladdin. #NotTheOnion