@simoncholland: People who think this giraffe is taking forever to give birth have never listened to my daughter tell a story.
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@BillyYvonne: Two eggs, some bacon, and a piece of toast walk into a bar. The bartender says, hey! We don't serve breakfast here. #Tellyourworstjoke
@ObscureGent: Is it weird to think about naming my next cat Batman during sex? Sir, I just serve coffee here. But no, it's not weird. It's fantastic!
@Home_Halfway: If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it's an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
@JLazySAngus: Naming a dog after alcohol is cute until they run away and you scream their name until your neighbor brings you a bottle to shut you up.