@simoncholland: People who think this giraffe is taking forever to give birth have never listened to my daughter tell a story.
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@TheTweetOfGod: People often say things in the heat of anger that in hindsight they regret not accompanying with a punch in the face.
@EndhooS: [Blind date] Girl: I've always had a bit of a thing for bad boys Dog: [starts putting on his coat] I don't think this is gonna work out
@KyleMcDowell86: [in car] Wife: Dont tell ur arm story Me: Im gonna stick to humorous stories 2nite babe *at party* AND THAT'S WHEN MY HUMOROUS BROKE IN HALF