@twayne1010: People who tweet in riddles need to know I'm not Batman.
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@Bownuggets: Accidentally dropped a magic mushroom in my cats litter box & now he's laying across the driveway staring at the stars & quoting Kierkegaard
@EliTerry: The only way to protect ourselves from eagle attacks is of course MORE eagles. Fill our homes with these gentle, knife clawed birds of prey.
@ThisOneSayz: Me: they're coming! 911: can you hide? Me: they'll find me!! 911: stay calm Me: the door is opening...help! "Mooom! We want a snack!!"
@Jaywoo74: Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She's had a headache for the past 15 years.