@Crunk_Jews: People who use a vacation day the day after Christmas to have relatives over clearly don't understand the meaning of the word vacation.
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@hoedeehoe: Aliens: take us to your leader Me: ok guys listen- he's probably going to deport you but there is a small chance he'll want to marry you
@nerdreign: I earned a masters degree and a doctorate; I have $413.21 in assets. Weird Al Yankovic is worth 11 million. Kids, don't stay in school.
@ItsAndyRyan: Don't cry for me, Argentina, Keep your face dry, Dubai, No tears, Algiers, Or from you, Peru, Now Oman, no cry.
@kelkulus: All those years studying karate saved my life one night, when a man with a gun jumped out of nowhere and demanded I count to 10 in Japanese.